The Dizzy Disciple

Who you are is God's gift to you. Who you become is your gift to God. As a homeschool mom, I am both teaching and learning everyday. May I always be a disciple who is unafraid to have her light shine!

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Location: Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania, United States

I'm a Catholic homeschool mom with two daughters, one husband, and four cats. In addition to being the "teacher" at home, I teach weekly at our area learning center, as well as work at our local YMCA a few times a week. Occasionally I take to the stage and have some fun on my own!

Friday, August 12, 2005

A public apology to the people I love most...

Yesterday I received an email from a dear member of my family regarding a past blog I had posted....it was written out of love--I truly believe that--and it pointed out things that were true. Because I don't KNOW just what family members actually READ my blog (noone has ever indicated that you have even visited once), I felt a need to address this in a public fashion...

The blog in question, as I re-read it, was hurtful. My heart was pierced and broken to think that my words could have hurt those who I love more than any others on this earth, and with all my heart, I apologize. I understand St. Paul's warnings about the tongue perhaps a little clearer today. I think I could explain the emotions behind it so that you might understand better, but it doesn't undo the hurt, so I'll just say that I am sorry.

My family changed when I got married and had children of my own in that I moved away from where I had lived all my life...to a place that I love dearly and really do think of as home now. However, that in no way will ever negate our I view my extended family, and even moreso, my "roots". They are what made me who I am today, and I try to teach my children the strength and values found in family. Family is where you can say what you feel, and be loved unconditionally....even on bad days. Family is where we learn--sometimes painfully--how hurtful words can be, and why it's so important to choose them wisely. I failed that day, and I so now I ask forgiveness. I sense that I will get it, because that's the kind of family I have. That's where I learned it. That's a part of me that will NEVER be diminished.

There are times during the year when it is SO HARD being so far away...not just the big family events like reunions, weddings, and funerals, but the everyday times. The ability to drop by and have coffee, or go to a niece's birthday party...and that's one of the tradeoffs for loving a man whose life was elsewhere. That's why my church community here is so vital, because they are my "closeby" family. They hold me accountable and teach me the same values. That's one of the reasons we love it so much here, because we at least have a substitute for those countless times that we can't be where we'd like to be. I occassionally envy my relatives who either live close enough to spend every weekend together, or can make many more trips a year back to the old homestead....contrary to what that one blog post said, I treasure every time I'm able to make it back there, and I will miss those visits more than I can say in years to come. Just as I dearly miss those few visits here when my dad was still alive and family was able to come to me.

If anyone read that blog and doubts for a moment how I feel about family and my visits to spend time there, I hope that this has helped to heal some of those hurts. I have cried many tears in the past 24 hours, and continue even now, and pray that the healing can continue. It's also nice to know that some of you DO come to this blog, as I really didn't think that anyone did. There I times that I feel very isolated from all of you, and I know that my own life choices are partly the cause--but in looking back where God has led me over the years, I would not change any of those big life decisions for anything. My faith tells me that I am where He wants me to be, and I am serving Him and touching lives in the way that He has planned. Is it easy? No...I know that faith without carrying my cross means nothing, and as crosses go, the one I carry is light. I give thanks everyday for the people that He has put in my life.....and I know that I am blessed to have the family that I have.

I again apologize for any hurtful things that I said...and I pray forgiveness. Peace.

1 Comments:

Blogger Magou said...

Hi Honey, I don't know what you are referencing, but I just wanted to let you know I am saying a prayer for you & your fam - the idea of you being so upset and someone in your family being so hurt is very sad and I hope that your earnest apology helps to ease the pain...I love you all...

7:28 AM  

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